Ethnographic and biographical research conducted with mixed-status couples and non-governmental organisations in France and Belgium provides insights into how the citizen partners of mixed-status relationships define and assert their family rights. In response to injustices suffered, from the state or from the migrant (non-citizen) partner, these citizens turned to organisations with contrasting discourses on marriage migration. These organisations encouraged them to participate in collective actions, and to give voice to their intimate experiences. Drawing on accounts of ‘intimate citizenship’, this article explores the citizenship-belonging nexus through lenses of performativity and intersectionality. Gender and ethnicity interact to influence interactions between citizen partners and the state, the tension between their virtual and actual social identities, and –ultimately – their assertions of citizenship, with personal status underpinning public claims. By speaking and acting in the name of their private lives and choices, these citizen partners affirm their (intimate) citizenship through its public performance.